February 2012
2 posts
dopegirltwurk asked: Will you marry me? Your sense of humor is perfect <3
A Valentine’s Day Poem for Someone on Her Period: ...
“Roses are red
we know this is true
so is the tampon
that’s stuck inside you.”
January 2012
1 post
My grandma is in a hospice and has stopped eating....
My Favorite New Year's Eve Drinks
Gin and Tonic
Vodka Tonic
Whiskey Sour
Whiskey and Soda
Whiskey and NyQuil
Vodka and NyQuil
Gin and NyQuil
Tequila and NyQuil
Box Wine and NyQuil
NyQuil and NyQuil
Greys Anatomy Marathon and NyQuil
Reorganizing your iTunes and NyQuil
Facebook-stalking an ex and NyQuil
Crying and NyQuil
NyQuil Overdose and NyQuil
Ambulance Ride and NyQuil
Stomach Pumping and NyQuil
Hospital...
December 2011
6 posts
Sad Christmas Songs
Silent Night (Because of a Carbon Monoxide Leak)
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (and Now I Spend Half My Paycheck on Therapy)
Frosty the Snowman (Died Because of Global Warming)
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Was Used)
Sleigh Ride (off a Cliff)
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (That New Justin Bieber Song)
Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Because of the Seizures)
What Child Is This?...
I used Instagram to take this picture of the... →
Hopefully it finds a home.
Sounds of the Season: A Realistic Christmas Album
With such Holiday favorites as:
1. “Forced Compliments and Feigned Interest Towards People You Don’t Know”
2. “The Click of a Porch Light Preventing Strangers from Singing on Your Property”
3. “Dad Yelling at the GPS on the Way to Grandma’s”
4. “Your Newly Vegan Cousin Scoffing at the Appetizers”
5. “Muffled Crying in the...
Anonymous asked: Your twitter is one of the best things on the internet. After porn.
"We found love in a hopeless plaaaaaaaace."
Five guesses as to where Rihanna’s hopeless place was:
5. A Walmart in the South.
4. A Chick Fil A on a Sunday.
3. A screening of Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack and Jill’.
2. Detroit.
1. A rented silver Lamborghini.
November 2011
10 posts
1 tag
I love (when people spill) hot gingerbread lattes...
Love Clichés: Updated for Modern Times
Here’s a 21st century list of sweet nothings to whisper to your loved one.
“I love you like a fat kid loves youth-onset diabetes.”
“Love is patient, love is kind. Answer my texts in less than a minute or I will cut you.”
“My never-ending love for you will last at least 73 days.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, our Facebook relationship is a...
Anonymous asked: What were you like as a kid?
communicate your questions here: →
1 tag
A muffin-top is not a type of shirt, so don't tell...
A muffin-top is not a type of shirt, so don’t tell a girl that she looks good in one.
Hi everybody,
I am going to try to make this blog not suck. No promises.
Here’s a drawing of a cat that I found:
Have a great day. -BG
Did Brandon Flowers ever settle that whole Human...
Saw a little kid flip a table over at a restaurant while yelling “RED BULL” at the top of his lungs.
So, yeah, you guys… America.