February 2012
2 posts
dopegirltwurk asked: Will you marry me? Your sense of humor is perfect <3
Feb 16th
5 notes
A Valentine’s Day Poem for Someone on Her Period: ...
“Roses are red we know this is true so is the tampon that’s stuck inside you.”
Feb 14th
44 notes
January 2012
1 post
My grandma is in a hospice and has stopped eating....
Jan 6th
12 notes
My Favorite New Year's Eve Drinks
Gin and Tonic Vodka Tonic Whiskey Sour Whiskey and Soda Whiskey and NyQuil  Vodka and NyQuil Gin and NyQuil Tequila and NyQuil Box Wine and NyQuil NyQuil and NyQuil Greys Anatomy Marathon and NyQuil Reorganizing your iTunes and NyQuil Facebook-stalking an ex and NyQuil Crying and NyQuil NyQuil Overdose and NyQuil Ambulance Ride and NyQuil Stomach Pumping and NyQuil Hospital...
Jan 1st
48 notes
December 2011
6 posts
Sad Christmas Songs
Silent Night (Because of a Carbon Monoxide Leak) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (and Now I Spend Half My Paycheck on Therapy) Frosty the Snowman (Died Because of Global Warming) Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Was Used) Sleigh Ride (off a Cliff) Hark The Herald Angels Sing (That New Justin Bieber Song) Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Because of the Seizures) What Child Is This?...
Dec 17th
31 notes
I used Instagram to take this picture of the... →
Hopefully it finds a home.
Dec 10th
10 notes
Sounds of the Season: A Realistic Christmas Album
With such Holiday favorites as:  1. “Forced Compliments and Feigned Interest Towards People You Don’t Know” 2. “The Click of a Porch Light Preventing Strangers from Singing on Your Property” 3. “Dad Yelling at the GPS on the Way to Grandma’s” 4. “Your Newly Vegan Cousin Scoffing at the Appetizers” 5. “Muffled Crying in the...
Dec 5th
62 notes
Anonymous asked: Your twitter is one of the best things on the internet. After porn.
Dec 5th
3 notes
"We found love in a hopeless plaaaaaaaace."
Five guesses as to where Rihanna’s hopeless place was: 5. A Walmart in the South. 4. A Chick Fil A on a Sunday. 3. A screening of Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack and Jill’. 2. Detroit. 1. A rented silver Lamborghini.
Dec 5th
31 notes
November 2011
10 posts
1 tag
I love (when people spill) hot gingerbread lattes...
Nov 28th
2 notes
Love Clichés: Updated for Modern Times
Here’s a 21st century list of sweet nothings to whisper to your loved one. “I love you like a fat kid loves youth-onset diabetes.” “Love is patient, love is kind. Answer my texts in less than a minute or I will cut you.” “My never-ending love for you will last at least 73 days.” “Roses are red, violets are blue, our Facebook relationship is a...
Nov 23rd
142 notes
Nov 21st
12 notes
Nov 18th
13 notes
Anonymous asked: What were you like as a kid?
Nov 18th
6 notes
communicate your questions here: →
Nov 18th
1 tag
A muffin-top is not a type of shirt, so don't tell...
A muffin-top is not a type of shirt, so don’t tell a girl that she looks good in one.
Nov 15th
1 note
Hi everybody, I am going to try to make this blog not suck. No promises. Here’s a drawing of a cat that I found: Have a great day. -BG
Nov 14th
7 notes
Did Brandon Flowers ever settle that whole Human...
Nov 14th
15 notes
Saw a little kid flip a table over at a restaurant while yelling “RED BULL” at the top of his lungs. So, yeah, you guys… America.
Nov 14th
7 notes