via: The Onion
- Edward Gorey
Aaron Smith, “Buffer” -final state, 2012, oil on panel, 28” x 24”
It’s amazing and inspiring that we as a species are constantly capable of creating new things to complain about.
ACT 1, SCENE 1: [A Street In Midtown Manhattan]
Girl in cape: “Oh my god! I was shot by Bill Cunningham!”
Girl in turban: “Congrats!”
Girl in cape: “I’m literally dying!”
Girl in turban: “I would too! I’m sooo jealous!”
Girl in cape: “I can’t feel my legs…”
Girl in turban: “Chic. What were you wearing!?”
*Girl in cape collapses*
Girl in turban: “So do you think it will get published?”
Please let us never forget this song.
Ideally, I would like for people to be so saddened by my passing that they would never be able to speak again.
This email was hard.
The few weeks we spent together last year were great - before you began to ask me for things I wasn’t prepared to give you. I don’t feel like I led you on. You knew when we started this that I just wanted it to be causal, a trial, a beta. But you just kept asking me to commit. To upgrade to premium. I couldn’t do that. I just wasn’t in the right place at the time. So I left. But this email isn’t about that.
I’m not upset that you’ve been doing things lately with people I know. I’m happy for you. Really. I’m glad you’ve found other users, but I don’t need you throwing it in my face. It’s not that I’m hurt. It’s not that at all. It’s total apathy. I honestly don’t care what you’re playing for people I went to high school with. Frankly, seeing you like this is just so unbecoming. Your daily petty emails, posts on my facebook wall and blatant cries for my attention are just coming across as needy and desperate. It’s sad.
Remember that weekend last spring when we just hung out in bed and played every Grizzly Bear song? We were so into it. Today I found out that you and Alex from middle school are into Nicki Minaj. You’ve changed and I don’t need the constant reminder.
Please just move on.