Love Clichés: Updated for Modern Times

Here’s a 21st century list of sweet nothings to whisper to your loved one.

“I love you like a fat kid loves youth-onset diabetes.”

“Love is patient, love is kind. Answer my texts in less than a minute or I will cut you.”

“My never-ending love for you will last at least 73 days.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, our Facebook relationship is a sham and your parents know you’re gay.”

“If you love someone let them go. You can always Facebook-stalk them.”

“You had me at Netflix membership.”

“If music be the food of love, you and your new boyfriend are Nickelback at best.”

“Love is blind. You should still photoshop your profile pictures.”

“There is a person out there for everyone. Your person just happens to be five cats.”

“I love you more than most of the Apple products I own.”